Acceptance

Previously, I talked about letting go...Its about "accepting" whats around you and just letting that shit go. However, acceptance can be a confusing word to understand to most people. Some things get called “unacceptable” because they are clearly bad in some ways. And yet if you allow such events or behavior to bother you then someone will inevitably turn around and say something like “You need to accept it”.

But how can you accept anything that might be considered “unacceptable”? I believe the answer is to look at acceptance as the ability to develop a more positive or less negative attitude towards something, someone, or even when it isn’t good enough for you.

Right now I have been battling the word "acceptance" on two different levels. One being that I just want the ones around me to accept me for me and the decisions that I make for my own life and the other being that I need to learn to accept that he doesn't want to be with me. Those may seem like a far stretch to something you can relate to but just accepting the small things like something not going your way or getting frustrated because there is rush hour traffic, are just two examples of learning to accept.

So I want to get personal with you guys. Lately, I have been struggling with whatever that I do with my own life, it's not good enough for those around me. Yes, in the back of my mind, I know that everyone wants what is best for me (except my haters). However, lately I feel as though the decisions that I make only comes with negative feedback and the things that excite me only bring an "oh okay". If you know me, then you know I am someone that would rather make the people around me happy than making myself happy. So when I finally decided take charge of my own life and do the things that make me happy for once, people have wanted to steer me in a path that suits them or have me play the role that they have scripted for me. And yeah...it fucking sucks to see the people closest to me not just accept my path.

Another thing that I have been dealing with in regards to just accepting it, is my break-up with my ex. It is something that I don't like to really talk about because its painful - just like any break-up is. Our relationship is something I want to work towards again, despite whatever everyone has told me including him. He doesn't want to work towards anything so I am having a really tough time accepting it. Now I am not going to sit here and say we had the perfect relationship because we didn't. Truthfully I had some anger issues and broke up with him like six times...but we got back together like right after the fact. Truthfully, this is rock bottom right now but the only way now is up. So why not try? Growing up, I'm pretty sure we've all been told "If at first you don't succeed, try again." Mine and his mistakes and any difficulties we might have faced, were hard but we were stronger. At least thats what I thought. Now I question a lot like if he even feels the same way he did or even sees a future for us like we talked about not only three months ago. I respect he doesn't want to be with me in a relationship 110%, but to not want to work towards that relationship slowly when you tell me "I love you" and "I miss you"?? Its why I am battling just accepting it because if I do it's like me giving up. And I'm not ready to.

So I want to leave this message for those of you who need to hear this - including me.

• We need to develop the habit of looking at whatever happens through a positive mindset instead of a negative, defeatist one.

When I say this I mean, take life with a grain of salt. Don't let the little things get to you. If someone is not responding to your messages its okay. Look at the positive in things and if you really want that persons attention get up and go to them. Don't sit around and wait for the negative BS to eat at your mind.

• You'll be happier and more at peace when you accept what happened instead of constantly fighting to change things.

Let's be honest, we can't change people or their actions. We can only learn to accept it. Sure we can help guide them and give them our opinion but at the end of the day it's their life and they are going to do whatever the hell they want. Learn to be okay with that and just love them for it.

• Take shit less personally

There’s often a temptation to react as if we are a victim of circumstances that could never happen to anyone else but nothing is as personal as it seems. What happens has little to do with us or how we feel about it and the way people behave has more to do with what’s going on inside them. Bad things happen to awesome people every day because life is crazy and ultimately beyond anyone’s control. At some point, we all experience a run of bad luck. It’s a test of learning that sometimes involves grieving and a recovery process. Just know it will be okay.

• Many things stop being awful once you get used to them and learn how to handle them

You can’t force yourself to normalise what may have freaked you out. But you might start thinking of it as “less weird” or “less crazy” than you initially thought. You can get more comfortable with the fact that “these things happen” or that “stranger things have been known to happen”.

• Well it's not great but it can still be okay

Acceptance “of” something really means calmness “towards and regardless of” the way it is. In order to be happy, you may need to achieve a peaceful state of harmonious coexistence with everything despite some things being flawed or different from what you might expect. It’s possible to remain totally at peace with something even when you’re able to acknowledge that it’s bad for you in some ways. Accepting it means:

1. Not punishing yourself over how bad it is

2. Letting go of the habit of reacting to it

3. Not being that interested in how bad it is

4. Not expecting or needing anything from it

5. Not focusing on agreeing or disagreeing with it

6. Feeling very calm and comfortable around it

7. Simply allowing it to be the way it already is

• Everything comes at a price

Consider what happens when you pay the bill for your dinner. In isolation, it might seem hard to accept: some rich, arrogant restaurant owner comes up to you and takes your money. But of course you can accept it because it is the price that you pay for enjoying a delicious meal. Some people ruin their dining experience by complaining about how much they paid for it instead of allowing themselves to savour the taste of every mouthful.

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It’s not always easy to adjust to what is bad or wrong. But it’s still possible to become more relaxed around things and develop a more positive attitude in spite of the way they can be.

The more you struggle to accept some situations the worse they seem to get. Sometimes, you just have to add those consequences to the list of things that can be accepted. It can take time but it’s still worth gradually accepting everything for the sake of your own happiness and peace of mind.