Where I've Been

Hello everyone! As many of you might already know or are new to my blog, I took a much-needed break from writing. I stopped because I wanted to write about things that I was passionate about and not just write because I set a due date for myself. It wasn't really that I was in some sort of writer's block, it was just because I was going through life. Nonetheless, so much has happened during my time away. My family came to visit me in school, I celebrated my 22nd Birthday, I worked, I went to school, & played dress up for my favorite holiday - Halloween. And though all of that seems like so much fun, October was one of the toughest mental and physical months I'd gone through in a while.

II've talked a lot about personal growth in my past. And I want to be super clear that by no means that anything that I say or do is perfect. The words that I read and write are words that I need to hear. I only speak my truth and write to remind myself that things will be okay, that I need to let go, accept, etc... This is my open diary.

I feel as though this month people have gotten the wrong impression of me. They see me and say "Oh she lives the perfect life", "You're so perfect", "You look so good." And yes I am flattered by it all however, it is so far from my truth. I am struggling every day to be and feel okay. I've been so overwhelmed and felt as though I had no one to talk to. I was surrounded by so many new beautiful and kind people, I just didn't want to show how ugly I had gotten on the inside. I shared on Snapchat my vulnerable side and cried, and I told my viewers that though I write about these things I still struggle. However, the message that I was trying to get across was that it is okay to not be okay. What's not okay is not talking to someone because being alone when you're dealing with things is hard as shit. As I was going through an internal battle with myself, I used countless different distractions to try and not think about how hurt I was feeling on the inside. What I didn't realize that I was doing was wearing myself out. It wasn't until recently that some told me, 'Slow down'.

I didn't process what she meant by 'slow down'. How could I slow down if everything felt like it was just 5-steps ahead of me? I soon realized what she meant. If I didn't slow down and enjoy life, I would miss the scenery by going too fast. And with that, you also miss the sense of where you are going and why. We live in such a fast-paced world where multi-tasking has become the new normal, and doing things at regular speed is frowned upon. But, sometimes, we just need to slow down and enjoy life. We need to breathe, relax, and savor the moments that will one day disappear. We need to be more present in our day-to-day life and not focus on the future so much.

So I want to leave you this:

Life can be downright difficult at times. It can box you in and beat you down, holding no bars. While no one ever said that life would be easy, many of us are often ill-prepared for just how hard things could get. When we suffer through repeated failures and setbacks, getting through the tough times in life can seem far fetched. Just know that life is a series of peaks and valleys. Sometimes you’re up, sometimes you’re down. But it’s the difficult times where we need a little more support and guidance. I’m a firm believer that it’s how you respond in your moments of defeat that defines the type of person you are. When you can improve your ability to navigate the difficult times, you not only live a happier life, but you also grow as a person.

We also want to take the time to enjoy our present-day lives. Without reason, it can be gone with a blink of an eye. So have gratitude. By having a profound appreciation for your life and everything in it, no matter what the problems might be, you can receive far more enjoyment out of simple pleasures. Know that problems will never disappear however, how YOU choose to react to them is up to you.

“Tough times don’t last, but tough people do.” — Alonzo Mourning

This month I felt like I lost myself. I lost focus and confidence, I made mistakes and made wrong choices. However, at the same time, this was a month of new friendships, opportunities, experiences, and self-reflection that contributed to my self-growth in every aspect possible.

I sit here and tell you that though my wings might be beautiful, the process of getting where I want to be in life is nowhere near finished. It has only just begun.

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Giveaway coming soon! Stay tuned